I’M SITTING on the bed in my parents’ guest room. The sky is grey. The light coming in the windows is soft. Mischa is snuggled up against me, asleep at my side. It just stopped raining and I’m wondering how to find the words.
I’VE BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH trying to decide whether or not to share this with you, whether it’s too personal, whether sharing it will help others, whether it will upset him (or hurt me), whether you’ll think I’m looking for pity, whether it’s…right.
The truth is I don’t know.
Is this too personal? Probably, yes.
Will it help others? Maybe. I hope so.
Will it upset him or hurt me? Possibly.
Will you feel sorry for me? You damn well better not.
Is it the right thing to do? I have no idea.
But here it is nonetheless.
LAST WEEK my marriage ended. It is a deeply personal story and one I will not be sharing the details of publicly, but I will say this:
YES, my heart is breaking. I am shattered into a million different pieces. I’ve lost my love, my best friend, our family and our future together. I’ve lost dreams that will never be realized. I’ve lost laughter that will never be shared. I’ve lost a piece of my soul.
YES, I absolutely love him – unconditionally, deeply, truly and with every beat of my heart, I love him. I will continue to love, honor and cherish him for all my days. I don’t regret our life together and I will continue to be thankful for the precious and beautiful time we shared.
I WILL NOT be sharing any further information or details. Naturally my experiences will impact what I create both here and elsewhere but the details of this will remain private.
OUR RELATIONSHIP (yours and mine) is based on honesty and trust and I feel that not telling you is a lie of omission. And I don’t want to lie to you.
PLEASE BE PATIENT with me while I process these changes, try to heal and figure out how to move forward with my life.
Thank you all for your understanding.
Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick