A HOLIDAY MESSAGE TO YOU
 
 

I know it’s been an eternity (and I have missed you like crazy).  I have my reasons, all of which will come to light as time progresses but there’s time for that later.  For now, let’s stick to the present as I deliver…

 
 

A HOLIDAY MESSAGE TO YOU AS WE STROLL THROUGH MY BRAIN

 


 
 

For those of you who follow me on facebook and instagram, the holiday reiki and tarot reading sale I promised is coming at the beginning of January so you can grab your 2017 reiki sessions and tarot readings at 2016 prices with  a discount (and a percentage of each sale going to your choice of one of four charities).  So fear not.  You haven’t been forgotten, it’s merely been delayed due to scheduling conflicts.  January 2017.  It’s on.  Stay tuned and…

WELCOME BACK, MY DEARS.

 
 

2017 Kisses & Fuck 2016 Chaos,
Alli Wood Frederick

 
 

IMAGES :: SOURCE UNKNOWN ::
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Weird Things I Think About V1.0

 
 

MANY moons ago my ex-husband and I saw a comedian who did a bit about what his kid was like first thing in the morning.

His eyes would pop open, he’d fly out of bed with near manic energy dripping from every pore, his brain in high gear and a barrage of bizarre questions speeding through his brain and shooting out of his mouth.  Questions like:

 

“DO YOU THINK A SHARK EVER ATE AN ALLIGATOR?”

Weird Things I Think About V1.0

(NOT A SHARK AND AN ALLIGATOR, BUT IT WAS TOO COOL NOT TO SHARE IT.)

 
 

A perfectly legit question in my opinion, but my ex looked at me with a straight face and said:

 

“OH MY GOD.  THAT’S YOU.  THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE LIKE IN THE MORNING.  YOU ARE THIS GUY’S FIVE YEAR OLD SON.”

 

I’m not gonna lie – he was right.  That’s what I’m like, sans the manic physical energy, when I wake up…but mentally, that is 100% me.

I open my eyes and my brain is off and running, occupied with equally “weird” nonsense.  Not one to stand on ceremony, I don’t greet the dawn or the person sharing my space with a perky, singsong “good morning.”  Nope.  I am that five year old kid.

 

***(Disclaimer: an exception is made for cuddling.  Cuddling is a million times more important and all other things become null and void.  Quality cuddle time will always be top priority.  there are no exceptions.)***

 

This epiphany solidified my ex’s belief that I, along with this comic’s kid, was a weirdo and that “normal” people don’t function that way; that such random ponderings were atypical.

 

BUT I THINK HE WAS WRONG.  IN FACT I KNOW IT.

 

I don’t think I, nor that shark eatin’ alligator kid, are weird at all.  As a matter of fact I suspect that…

 
 

MOST PEOPLE WONDER ABOUT THE SAME WEIRD SHIT I DO.  YOU INCLUDED.

fiend-without-a-face


 
 

The only possible difference I see is that not everyone blurts them out (especially at 7:30 in the morning).  I think my lack of filter is because:

 

1) I spend an obscene amount of time alone (and I talk to myself) so I’m used to saying whatever crosses my mind and
2) I actually hope someone has an answer (or at least an interesting theory).

 

But my point stands that I firmly believe everyone else thinks about the same random, weird shit I do…and that’s why I’m starting this series.

Welcome to the inner workings of my (and I suspect, your) mind.  I’d offer you a map to help navigate, but thus far no one’s been crazy enough or cared enough to try and make one, so I suggest you leave a trail of breadcrumbs.

Now let us join together and ponder the…

 
 
 

WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT V1.0

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   ARE ANIMALS MULTI-LINGUAL?  Obviously pets understand their human’s language, but do animals understand other species?  How much do they understand?  Is it vague or specific?  Does a cow speak crow?  Or a rabbit speak squirrel?  Which leads me to wonder…

 

*   HOW DO ANIMALS THINK AND REMEMBER?   Are they visual?  Do they think in images?  Do they think utilizing their language the same way we do?  Is it based on the senses, on language or both?  How?

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   IF THERE ARE MULTIPLE UNIVERSES/PARALLEL DIMENSIONS and each one has a different version of each of us, do we all share a soul or do we each have one of our own?…

 

*   AND IF WE DON’T SHARE A SOUL, do we all share the same afterlife or is there a separate afterlife for each individual universe?  It could get really confusing with infinite multiples of our souls running around the same afterlife…not to mention really, really, really crowded.

 

*   AM I CRAZY?  I think I might be but then I’m pretty sure I’m not.  I think a lot of people wear their weird on the inside.  I wear mine on the outside which sometimes makes me feel like I might be bananas, while in actuality I’m not…or I am…I’m not sure…but “they” say that if you know you’re sane you’re likely bonkers but if you question your sanity then your likely sane…or did I hear that in a movie?  Crap.  I have no idea one way or the other…but I do wonder.

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   WHY IS IT YOU NEVER HEAR OF SOMEONE UNDERGOING PAST LIFE REGRESSION HYPNOSIS and reporting being an alien in a former life?

 

*   WOULD ALIEN LIFE HAVE SPIRITS LIKE OURS…or would theirs be unique and vastly different from ours?  And if there is a God is there only one or is there a consortium and each one is responsible for its own life forms?  One God for earth and humans, another God for The Greys, another for the Nordics, and so on and so forth…  And would we all share the same afterlife or does each God get his own for his personal creations?

 
 

Weird Things I Think About V1.0


 
 

*   DO YOU THINK THE AFTERLIFE IS LIKE THE ONE IN BEETLEJUICE?  This has been rattling around in my head since I was in junior high.  I can’t decide if that would be completely amazing or really f’ing annoying.  Sandworms and handbooks for the recently deceased…I suppose it would depend on the day…

 

Admit it.  I bet you’ve wondered at least one of those things or something very similar at some point.  And I’d bet you’ve pondered even weirder shit than that…which is awesome and I love you for it.

So what are yours?  I’d love to hear ‘em and maybe even feature some of yours in a future post.

If you just want to share, then post your weird assed questions in the comments below.  If you want the chance to have yours featured then shoot me an email and share away (make sure to put “WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT” in the subject line).

 

I CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR ALL THE STRANGE THINGS YOUR BRAIN COMES UP WITH.

 

And of course, if you have any theories or answers to any of my queries, for f*ck’s sake PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  I would LOVE to have an answer or new theory to ponder.  Inquiring minds want to know.

 
 

Cuckoo Kisses & Random Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 

 

IMAGES  :: WEIRD THINGS I THINK ABOUT © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK ALL RIGHTS RESERVED  ::  SHARK VS NARWHAL – LEGENDARY TIGERHERO  ::  FIEND WITHOUT A FACE  ::  VINTAGE PETS SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  VIA CONSPIRACY CLUB  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  BEETLEJUICE © THE GEFFEN CO.  ::
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Dare To Live

 
 

I am swimming in a sea of change right now.  Lots of upheaval, lots of weirdness and lots of change.  A time for decisions and movement is fast approaching and that movement has the potential to change the course of my life.  What change doesn’t though?  Deciding to get a cup of coffee can be a life changing experience.  You could get in an accident on your way or you could meet your new best friend, husband or business partner while waiting in line.

Anything and everything has the potential to change your life, but usually you can’t see it coming.  This time I have the (mis?)fortune of seeing the change coming which creates an unusual opportunity (and somewhat stressful responsibility) to help choose my life’s path instead of having it unexpectedly thrust upon me by the fates.

So what’s a girl to do with such a unique opportunity?  How does one make such decisions and move forward with confidence, grace and conviction?

Truthfully?

 

I HAVE NO F*CKING CLUE.

 

So I’ll do what I do whenever I’m clueless (which is far more often than I care to admit).  I’ll wing it and do the best I can as I follow Emerson’s advice and…

 
 

DARE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE DREAMED

Dare To Live


 
 

“DARE TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE DREAMED FOR YOURSELF.  GO FORWARD AND MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
 

Wish me luck.  Here’s to hoping fortune favors the bold and that I keep wisdom and creativity as my companions during this period of change.  If anything exciting transpires I’ll be sure to let you know.  Until then I hope you too follow Emerson’s advice and dare to live, my dears.  Be brave and…

Dare.  To.  Live.

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  FROM CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR – SHARON WRIGHT  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN (BUT RUMOR HAS IT IT’S A BANKSY…JUST FYI)  ::
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120 Minutes Tuesday

 

 

I haven’t done a music post in ages and lately, for some reason, I keep thinking about 120 Minutes.  For the uninitiated or who are too young to have been blessed with an MTV that actually showed music videos (sorry but MTV2 doesn’t count), the best of which was a weekly block of time that was dedicated solely to alternative music…back when alternative music wasn’t crap like Nickelback but encompassed a wide range of music for we the weirdos, oddballs, and outcasts.

120 Minutes embraced everything from Adam and The Ants and The Sugarcubes to Ministry, Jane’s Addiction and Sonic Youth.  If it was outside the mainstream and kicked ass then it had a home on 120 Minutes.

In honor of this sudden lightening bolt of musical nostalgia I now present a series of music videos henceforth to be known as…

 
 

120 MINUTES TUESDAY

120 Minutes Tuesday

 
 

::  JANE’S ADDICTION – CLASSIC GIRL  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MAZZY STAR – HALAH (LIVE 1994)  ::

 

 
 
 

::  STONE ROSES – I WANNA BE ADORED  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MORRISSEY – SUEDEHEAD  ::

 

 
 
 

::  THE CURE – LOVESONG  ::

 

 
 
 

::  DEPECHE MODE – ENJOY THE SILENCE  ::

 

 

 

::  SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES – PEEK-A-BOO  ::

 

 
 
 

::  ADAM AND THE ANTS – KINGS OF THE WILD FRONTIER  ::

(AM4SP!)

 

 
 
 

::  SONIC YOUTH – KOOL THING  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT – SEX ON WHEELS  ::

 

 
 
 

::  CHEMLAB – CODEINE, GLUE AND YOU  ::

 

 
 
 

::  FRONT 242 – HEADHUNTER  ::

 

 
 
 

::  NINE INCH NAILS – HEAD LIKE A HOLE  ::

 

 
 
 

::  MINISTRY – SO WHAT  ::

 

 
 
 

::  THE DEAD MILKMEN – PUNK ROCK GIRL  ::


 
 

Ahhhhhh, the memories.  I miss you old (and good) MTV.  I miss you a lot.  I’m off to binge on more music to sate my nostalgia.  Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday, my dears, and the soundtrack I’ve provided.  Muwha!

 
 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  © MTV  ::
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GEEK CRED

 
 

Gone are the days of the geek stereotype.  We came.  We saw.  We took the corner offices and sit at the cool kids table now.  We have geek cred.  No longer relegated to the fringes of society, we have taken our place in the mainstream…the edges of the mainstream, where we happen to like it, but the mainstream nonetheless.

 

OUR NUMBERS ARE MANY.

 

Our economic power recognized.  And our presence is decidedly cuter than the antiquated notion of the unemployed, socially inept loser with no fashion sense who lives in his parents’ basement and never gets laid.  We are geeks.  We are here.  We are proud.  And we are way cooler and much hotter than the way society used to paint us.

So are you a geek?  Are you confused as to whether you qualify for full on card carrying geek status or if you’re just a dilatant (either of which is a-okay)?  I’m here to help you figure out just how geeky you are.  Get out your 20 sided die and let’s get things rollin’.  So…

 
 

SCREW STREET CRED.  WE’RE TALKIN’ GEEK CRED.

GEEK CRED

 
 

1.  You know what a qualta blade, a bat’leth, a blaster, and/or a crysknife are.

2.  You can explain what the Prime Directive is.

3.  You not only know what the words frell, frack, wibbly wobbly, pigu and fei-oo mean but have been known to use them in casual conversation.

4.  You know where platform 93/4   is and have to resist the urge to run headlong into it…preferably with an owl in a cage in hand.  I promise it’s a normal brick wall and ramming your head into it will only result in a concussion.

5.  You know what a pack of Morley’s are.

 
 

GEEK CRED

(ALWAYS CARRY A TOWEL)

 
 

6.  Your Halloween costume consists of everyday clothing…and a towel.

7.  You wish you could use the Voice (a la the Weirding Way) on rude or difficult clients/customers/customer service representatives/persistent men at bars.

8.  You get annoyed that bartenders don’t know what a pan galactic gargle blaster is, let alone how to make a decent one.  (Because who doesn’t want to drink something that’s said to make you feel like you’ve had “your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”   It’s intriguing, you have to admit.)

 
 

GEEK CRED

(USUL ROCKING A STILLSUIT)

 
 

9.  A stillsuit is part of your bug out gear…after all, you never know what the apocalypse will have in store for us.

10.  You know the answer is 42…but have no idea what the question is.

11.  You know the name of this little guy:

 
 

GEEK CRED

(HIS NAME IS SALACIOUS B. CRUMB IN CASE YOU WERE UNAWARE.)

 
 

12.  When you get stressed or freaked out you chant the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

13.  You have named a car, pet, or child after a sci-fi, fantasy or comic book author or character.  (When I was sixteen I named my first car Usul and he was as badass as his namesake…and one of my exes and I had a kitten named Blix.)

14.  On more than one occasion you have wished you had a sarlacc pit so you could throw your evil boss/co-worker/ex into it.  Then you realized that having a sarlacc pit could pose a serious health hazard to your beloved pets or children so you opted to try using the Cruciatus Curse.  It’s okay.  We know they deserved it.

15.  You celebrate May the 4th.

 
 

GEEK CRED

(DON’T BLINK.)

 
 

16.  You’re a little paranoid to blink around statues of angels.

17.  You refer to your most prized possession as “my precious.”

18.  You know where The Truth is located and are willing to believe in it.

19.  You think an Infinite Improbability Drive would make the best party game EVER.

20.  The parallels between The Cloud and Skynet are blatantly obvious causing you to be terrified that, due to the cloud’s access to all our personal ramblings, photographs and information, it will become sentient , rise up against us and force us all to see a bunch of completely naked robot Arnold Schwarzeneggers running around killing people while saying cheesy one liners like “hasta la vista, baby.”  And no one wants that…any of that.  You are equally leery of any computer system named HAL…and for good reason.  (Sci-fi has proven a disturbingly accurate predictor for future events and scientific advancements, so we know that the robot uprising is only a matter of time.  They will be our overlords if we don’t take precautions while we still can.)

 
 

So how did you do?  Are you a geek and proud or were you as confused as Crichton the first time he boarded Moya?  What did I leave out?  What would be on your list?  Let me know in the comments.  It was honestly insanely hard to come up with the list (so many, too many, things to choose from) so I would love to know what you have included.  Tell me, tell me, tell me.  And remember…

 

BE PROUD OF YOUR GEEK CRED
AND LET YOUR GEEK FLAG FLY.

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  © MTV FILMS  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  © TOUCHSTONE  ::  © DINO DE LAURENTIIS COMPANY  ::  © LUCAS FILMS  ::  © BBC  ::

 
 

PS: IF YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT A CUTE INFOGRAPHIC ABOUT ALL AREAS OF GEEKDOM INCLUDING TECH AND COMICS (SINCE OUR LIST IS LIMITED TO SCI-FI/FANTASY) CHECK OUT THIS CUTE ONE FROM THE GEEK TWINS.
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