get busy living or get busy dying

 

LIFE – it can be a bit of a bitch sometimes.  It can lift you up and tear you down.  Did I mention it can tear you down?  Well, it can.  And sometimes, when life keeps tearing you down it can be easy to give up and just stay down.

Why keep putting yourself out there when you keep getting shot down?  When you keep getting rejected?  When everyone tells you no?

Why bother picking yourself up when life is just going to tear you down? It would be easier to just give in to the fear and be safe.  If you don’t play the game then you can’t lose.  Right?

 

THE LOGIC IS THERE AND IT’S SOLID.

 

Or is it?  What is the point of being alive if you aren’t going to live?  Life is a gift – no refunds; no exchanges.  So what if it’s a bitch sometimes.  So what if it hurts sometimes.  So what if things don’t always work out.  That’s life and when it comes to life you have two options (at least according to Shawshank Redemption, and we all know Morgan Freeman would never lie to us, so we’d do well to listen):

 

‘GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING.’

 

GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING


 

So go out and live.  Take chances.  Take risks.  Don’t cower in the corner collecting cobwebs.  Step up.  Be heard.  Be counted.  Leave your mark.  Make your statement.  Live your life.  Be brave.  And be happy because you will always know you tried; you will always know you lived.

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
PS – My work is featured in the Spring 2015 issue of Somerset Digital Studio (Thank you, Stampington & Co for once again believing in and supporting my work. You guys are the bee’s knees.) – available now at your local bookstore.
 

digital-studio-spring-2015

 
 

IMAGE  ::  © LINZIE HUNTER  ::

 
 

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An Important Message About Mischa

 

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE ABOUT MISCHA:

 

EARLY (and I mean crazy early) Monday morning Mischa suffered another stroke.  This is his third in three years, his second in less than three months.  I am happy to report that, so far, he seems stable and is improving a little each day, but these things are unpredictable, as we know.

This is directly on the heels of a family member having a major health emergency.  They have been hospitalized for two weeks and we hope they will return home this weekend but they will be requiring round the clock care for a couple of months…and that came on the heels of other personal matters/emergencies of a less than positive nature…

(and I’m not just talking about my beloved hair stylist leaving her business to start her (what will no doubt be) beautiful family – which I am absolutely thrilled about, my hair on the other hand will not stop complaining to me, sometimes keeping me up crying at night and I get too little sleep as it is.  My ginger locks have been inconsolable.  We love you, Barry.  Congrats.  You will be missed. xox)

 
 

NEEDLESS TO SAY, 2015 HAS BEEN KICKING MY ASS IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY…

 

BUT MISCHA’S STRUGGLE WITH HIS HEALTH HAS BEEN THE HARDEST.

An Important Message About Mischa

(MISCHA’S I DON’T FEEL WELL FACE.  SWEAR TO GOD HE’S NOT ANGRY, JUST FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER.)

 

Currently it appears to have been a minor stroke, but since diagnostic tools for feline stroke aren’t common in the average vet office (especially here in the country) the only diagnostic tools are observation (which is one of my curses – hyper-vigilance and hyper-awareness, but in instances such as this they are a blessing since I am aware of very minor changes in behavior, gate, communication, and general body language which provide me with an early alert system.  He’s also good at sending me intuitive messages in case I’m asleep or out of the house).

 

SO THE GOOD NEWS IS…

 

that his behavior and cognitive abilities indicate that we’re on the road to recovery (again) and that he will be 100% in no time flat.  He’s good like that.

 

THE BAD NEWS IS…

 

that, as mentioned, such health problems can change at the drop of a hat not to mention I won’t be around as much until he’s back on his feet.  This could be a couple of days, this could be a week or more.  And there is a chance that since he’s had two in such close proximity that they will begin to escalate in frequency (especially when you take his age into account).

I’ll try to update Kisses & Chaos as much as possible and be here for you all to keep you entertained, (at least I hope that’s what I’m doing) and always learning new, possibly useful or possibly useless things (it depends on the day, doesn’t it?  Although I personally love useless trivia, but maybe that’s just me),  but right now my heart, mind and attention need to be focused on Mischa as much as possible.

Right now Mischa is curled up on a pile of pillows right by my side while I work…purring away like a loving little lunatic as he gets some much needed rest……we’re lucky we found each other 16 years ago…truly lucky.

So thank you for your understanding during this emotional time. Please know that your prayers, thoughts and good vibes are greatly appreciated and more than welcome and I promise I will keep you and the site updated and stay in touch as much as possible.

 
 

Sending you tons of love,
Alli and Mischa

 
 

IMAGES  ::  © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK.  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.  USE THEM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND FACE DIRE CONSEQUENCES…AND I DO MEAN DIRE.  ::

 

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Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

HAVE you been wanting to try harnessing the power of the moon phases to super-charge your manifesting or magic?  Did you miss the new moon last night?  Do you think you blew your chance to make any new moon magic?   Well I have good news for you, my fellow witchy woman…

 
 

YOU DIDN’T MISS A DAMN THING.

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

Life has a habit of getting in the way of things we really want to do with pesky things like work, social obligations, school, sleep, blah blah blah.  We often run into little roadblocks that prevent us from doing our lunar-based spiritual work on the night of a new (or full) moon.

The really great news is that a new moon, though most powerful on the actual night of, still has tons of power for you to tap into for, roughly, the next three days (or as long as the moon remains dark) after the actual new moon (which was last night).

This means that if you thought you missed your chance to work your new moon magic last night, you didn’t.  Pretty badass, right?

 
 
 

YOU MAY FEEL FREE TO DO A LITTLE HAPPY DANCE NOW.

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

In case you missed it, we talked briefly about all this lunar loveliness last year in ‘THE MOON, MAGIC & MANIFESTING: A MINI-GUIDE.’  If you’re not familiar with what the moon phases mean or how to use them and want to be, then that post is a great jumping off point; a good way to get your feet wet and a general overview of how the whole lunar power thing works.  I definitely think it’s worth the read if you’re new to this or just need a little refresher.

So, since the new moon was last night and it’s not too late to make the most of it, today we’re going to take a more in-depth look at…

 
 

MANIFESTING, MAGIC AND THE NEW MOON

(WHAT THE NEW MOON MEANS AND HOW YOU CAN MAXIMIZE YOUR POWER THROUGH HER POWER)

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 
 
 

WHAT IS A NEW MOON?

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

The new moon is the opposite of the full moon and is considered the first of the moon phases.  You know those nights that are black as pitch, where you can’t find the moon or her light no matter how hard or how long you look and every star in that glorious and vast sky is perfectly visible thanks to the total darkness?  That’s the night of a new moon.

(ALL MY URBAN-DWELLING DOLLS AND DUDES (DID I JUST SAY DUDES? WTF), IT IS WELL WORTH A WEEKEND CAMPING TRIP TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE ON A NEW MOON WEEKEND SO YOU CAN SEE THE SKY FOR YOURSELF.  YOUR HEART WILL BURST WHEN YOU SEE THE MILKY WAY FOR THE FIRST TIME.  YOU’LL BE AMAZED BY HOW MANY STARS THERE ARE.)

 

During this time the moon is closest to the sun and sits in alignment between the sun and the earth.  This puts the side of the moon that faces us in shadow, creating the darkness.

 
 

HOW OFTEN DOES THE NEW MOON OCCUR?

WHILE THOSE OF YOU ACROSS THE POND ARE LIKELY FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM ‘FORTNIGHT’ (SINCE IT’S STILL USED IN THE UK), SADLY HERE IN THE STATES IT HAS FALLEN OUT OF FAVOR. I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN MORE THAN A FEW AMERICANS HAVE ONLY HEARD IT ON AN EPISODE OF FRASER OR WHILE STUDYING SHAKESPEARE IN SCHOOL WHERE IT WAS GLOSSED OVER WITHOUT EXPLANATION. SO HERE WE GO WITH A VERY BRIEF VOCABULARY LESSON FOR MY FELLOW AMERICANS WHO AREN’T SURE WHAT IT MEANS:

 
 

A fortnight is a measurement of time based on the phases of the moon – 14 days to be exact.  It takes an average of 14 days for the moon to transition from full to new (and vice versa).  So if it takes one fortnight for the moon to transition from waning to waxing, then a full lunar cycle is 28 days from one new moon to the next.

There are a  few religions that measure it very precisely (and I mean very precisely) as part of their religious practice in which case a fortnight is 14.75 days which would make a full lunar cycle 29.5 days.  But 28 days is typically the accepted standard.

 
 
 

WHAT MAGIC AND MANIFESTING IS BEST FOR A NEW MOON?

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

DON’T CONFUSE NEW MOON MANIFESTING AND MAGIC WHICH IS  ABOUT RELEASING AND BEGINNINGS WITH THE WAXING MOON (WHICH HAPPENS AS THE MOON BEGINS ITS TRANSITION FROM NEW TO FULL) WHICH IS CONSTRUCTIVE & CREATIVE.  WE’LL COVER THE WAXING MOON AT A LATER DATE.  FOR NOW WE’RE JUST FOCUSING ON THE POWER OF THE NEW MOON.

 

Since new moons are dark and still they are the perfect time for work that reflects that same darkness and stillness and is best done the three days leading up to the new moon (and no, by darkness I don’t mean evil or mean, I mean dark, as in “It is seriously f’ing dark outside”).  It’s wonderful to reflect during this time.  So what exactly does that mean?  Let me give you some examples.  Right before the new moon is the perfect time for:

 
 

*  Introspection.  Spend this time looking inward and dive deep inside yourself.

*  Release.  This is a wonderful time to let go of things that no longer serve your best interest, like guilt or regret.

*  Acknowledgement.  Examine your accomplishments and acknowledge the good you have done.

 
 

spell-casting

 
 

The new moon itself and the three days after are perfect for focusing on beginnings.  Why?  Because it is the precursor to the waxing moon which, as we’ve discussed, is a creative/building/growing period.  First you plant the seed, then you help it grow.  New moons are for planting.  So how does one focus on beginnings?

 
 

* Honesty. Look within and be honest with yourself about what you really need right now  What can you change or embrace about yourself that will make your life better and more fulfilling, more loving, more financially stable, etc?

* Meditation or Prayer. (As though there’s ever a bad time to meditate or pray…well…maybe you shouldn’t meditate while driving, but you know what I mean.) This is a bit of a no-brainer, especially considering all this talk about looking inward and focusing on inner-self. If you’re new to meditation or think you can’t do it, just try sitting in stillness for five minutes and practice letting thoughts wash through you instead of holding on to them.  You can also try counting meditations or breathing meditations.  (Youtube is filled with instructional videos.)

* Divination. It is easier to peer into the future while in darkness. Why not give scrying a try?

* Planning.  Consider how you want your future to look.  Plot your course.  Plan and develop a clear idea in your mind. (The moon is beginning to wax after all, and since the next fortnight is a great time for creative energy and to attract things into your life.  For that to happen you need to have a clear vision of your future.  Now’s the time to plan for it; to make room for it.)  The clearer and more specific you are about your desire and intention the better off you’ll be.

 
 
 

OKAY.  THAT’S GREAT, BUT NOW WHAT?

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

So now you know what the new moon is good for…but what do you do about it?  How do you actually do any of those things?

I find that it helps to develop a practice that makes sense to you.  If you’ve ever read a book on meditating they tell you to always meditate in the same place, at the same time of day with roughly the same conditions.  When working on manifesting or magic it’s the same general idea.  Through repetition you’re creating your ritual and your ritual will become second nature.  When it is second nature your brain, body and energy know what to do and you’ll find yourself getting into the right state of mind, falling into your groove, with greater ease which in turn improves your magic and manifesting – just like a meditation practice.

 
 

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED AHEAD OF TIME.

This could be as little as a piece of paper, some incense, a candle, and a lighter or it could be more elaborate including crystals, music, flowers, bowls, statues, a knife, ribbon, string, jars, salt, essential oils or anything else ceremonial in nature that you have decided you need to help you with your goal.

 
 

CREATE YOUR OWN PRE-RITUAL RITUALS

flower-bath-cleansing

 

Prepare yourself and your space.  Taking a bath by candlelight and using essential oils is a great way to not only set the mood but is symbolically purifying oneself.  You are clean (in both senses).  Lots of people use this as the beginning of their work.  You may want to smudge the room (or if outside just the immediate area) and yourself with sage.  You could burn incense, listen to certain music, dance or even sit quietly and focus on your breathing to become calm, centered and focused.

 

WHATEVER YOU DO IT SHOULD RESONATE WITH YOU.

meditate-with-elements

 
 

Trust your instincts.  If you’re doing work that is calm and quiet then wild dancing might not be the best choice.  If your goals are more energetic and require energy then dancing is a great way to draw in energy and focus.  Have love and sex on your mind?  Rose essential oil or incense, clothes and makeup that make you feel attractive and some slow, seductive swaying will help you generate the energy and help your personal energy vibrate at the right frequency for what you need.

Whatever your goals are you want to do things and create energy that is a match for those intentions.

 

AS WE KNOW, LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE.

 

Makes perfect sense, right?  So go with your instinct and do what feels right to you to get yourself into that head space.  Once you feel you’re ready then you can begin your work.

 
 
 

WAYS TO CREATE  MAGIC AND MANIFEST

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 

This is easier than it seems.  Don’t get intimidated.  If you’re more of a magic and witchcraft sort of person and already have a spell ready then you’re all set.  But what if you prefer to wing it and are more into manifesting than magic.  In all honesty, they’re almost one and the same.  The only difference is what you call it and how you go about it.  Po-tay-to.  Po-taaah-to.  Manifesting and witchcraft are all about the same thing:  visualization and creation.

 
 

REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU CALL IT YOU ARE VISUALIZING WHAT YOU WANT IN AN ATTEMPT TO CREATE THAT VISION OR DESIRE IN REALITY – TO MAKE IT MANIFEST IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD.

pretty pink cauldron

 

If you prefer witchcraft then you likely prefer ritual.  You will have herbs and words and rites to perform to aid you with your visualization and creation and you use them all to attract the energy that will bring you what you want (or in some cases remove what don’t) in your life.  If witchcraft is your thing then you can do a quick search for new moon spells and find a ton of sites that will walk you through them.  There are, honestly, far too many for me to even begin to touch on here.  Your local bookstore will also have books on magic in the New Age section.

(WHY IT’S NOT LISTED IN RELIGION, I DON’T KNOW.  ACTUALLY I DO KNOW AND IT PISSES ME OFF…AND DON’T GET ME ON THAT SOAPBOX BECAUSE IT IS ONE I WILL STAY ON FOR A LONG-ASS TIME.  YOU KNOW BOOKS DEALING WITH ASPECTS AND PRACTICES OF HINDUISM ARE OFTEN IN THE NEW AGE SECTION AS WELL?  FUNNY THAT TWO OF THE OLDEST RELIGIONS IN THE WORLD HAVE BEEN RELEGATED TO THE F’ING NEW AGE SECTION.  OKAY.  SHUTTING UP.  SAVING THIS FOR ANOTHER DAY. *GRINDS TEETH*)

 
 

BOOKS-AND-INK-ANTIQUE

 
 

If manifesting is more your thing, then you merely need to follow your instinct.  Paper and pen are two of your greatest tools.  Words are powerful and writing them down helps you focus that power.  What you do with the paper afterwards depends on your intention.

If you want something to grow, then you should bury it somewhere it won’t be disturbed.  If you plant it under a seedling, even better.

 
 

hands-on-fire

 
 

Lots of people like to burn their paper for various reasons.  For those who are trying to release something from their life they view it as a destructive force.  That which they are releasing is burned to ash and no longer exists in their world.  Many people find this cathartic.  I am one of them.  I like to burn things. (Eep.  That can soooo be taken the wrong way.  Meh. *shrugs*)

For others fire symbolizes purification since ash is pure and the smoke is a way to carry their desires and prayers to the heavens (this is one reason why smoke and incense are used in soooo many religions and soooo many religious rites).  If fire speaks to you then fantastic.  Go for it.  Torch that shit.

 

(JUST USE COMMON SENSE AND ONLY BURN THINGS SAFELY.  DON’T SET SOMETHING ON FIRE IN YOUR HOUSE AND THROW IT IN YOUR TRASHCAN OR LEAVE IT SMOLDERING ON A PLATE.  DON’T CARRY A PILE OF EX-BOYFRIEND CLOTHES OUT INTO THE WOODS, POUR GAS ON THEM AND TORCH THEM EITHER (EVEN IF IT MAY BE TEMPTING).  I’M PRETTY SURE I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU WHY THOSE WOULD BE BAD IDEAS.  IT IS FIRE.  FIRE.  YOU DON’T F**K WITH FIRE.  IT DOES NOT PLAY NICE.  IT IS DESTRUCTIVE AND UNPREDICTABLE AND SHOULD BE HANDLED WITH CARE AND RESPECT…EVEN OUTDOORS.  BE SAFE AND USE COMMON SENSE.  AND JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR – IF YOU BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE, A NEIGHBORS HOUSE, YOUR COUSIN’S DOG, YOUR SISTER’S CAR, GET BURNED, BURN SOMEONE ELSE OR ANYTHING ELSE OF THAT NATURE, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE.  JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE FOR LEGAL REASONS BECAUSE I HAVE TO…SILLY I KNOW, BUT THERE IT IS.  YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY LEGALLY NECESSARY DISCLAIMER HERE. *EYE ROLL*  YEAH.  I KNOW.)

 
 

Manifesting, Magic and The New Moon

 
 

Still others prefer using bodies of water.  If you want something carried away from you, rivers and streams are great, but oceans?  Not so much.  Just think about the tide.  It carries things out and brings them back in.

You may even decide that you don’t need to dispose of it at all but instead sleep with it under your pillow or keep it in your wallet.  Like I said, your intuition and what your desired end result will help you know what to do.  Trust your gut.

And that’s it.  That’s really all there is to it.  Just follow the guidelines for what goals work best with the new moon and then use your heart, intuition, passion and vision to lead your thoughts, words and actions and you can’t go wrong.  Seriously.  All the other stuff is just icing on the cake.

 
 

winter-night-sky

 
 

The moon is still dark tonight, so good luck with your manifesting.  May it bring you all sort of kickassery.  Just remember: what comes around goes around and never, ever do any rituals or try to manifest anything that is harmful to or interferes with/harms another or their free will.  So stay focused on the positive, stay focused on doing good and enjoy.

Now get out there and manifest some amazing stuff tonight.

 
 

Moonless Kisses & Magical Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN (THIS IS WHY SITES LIKE WE <3 IT AND TUMBLR KINDA SUCK. THEY MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE TO TRACK DOWN THE ORIGINAL IMAGE AND FOR THE ARTIST TO RECEIVE THE CREDIT THEY RECEIVE.  SO FRUSTRATING.)  :: DANCING GIRLS VIA FAVIM ::  BY EMILY UTNE VIA VINTAGE VIRGIN  ::  VIA CELESTRON IMAGES  ::  VIA LUKE MCREYNOLDS  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN (TUMBLR STRIKES AGAIN!…AGAIN! ARGH!)  ::  BY EMILY UTNE  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  VIA ROOKIE  ::    ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  OLD BOOKS – kINGA BLASZCZYK-WOJCICKA  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN (THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS AT THIS POINT. SORRY.)  ::  VIA SURPRISESANTA-CHUCK  ::

 
 

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YEAH you have.  And if today is one of them then I hope this helps.  And if today isn’t one of them, then I hope you remember this the next time it is one of those days and that it helps.

Because nothing makes a day filled with crappy people trying to bring you down…

(OR AS I ACCUSED MY ONCOLOGIST WHILE RECEIVING MY ANESTHESIA, “HARSHING [YOUR] MELLOW” – MORTIFYING TO THE PUNK IN ME TO UTTER SUCH A BLATANT HIPPIE-ISM, BUT I WAS ASSURED I SAID IT IRONICALLY, SNICKERED WITH A SMIRK BILLY IDOL WOULD ENVY AND THEN BURST INTO MADE GALES OF LAUGHTER BEFORE THE GREAT PRE-SURGERY MEMORY WIPE OCCURRED…SO I’M RELIEVED TO KNOW I’M STILL A SMARTASS WHILE UNDERGOING SEDATION FOR MAJOR SURGERY.  F***IN’ RIGHT.)

… nothing makes it more uplifting than a precious baby fawn lovingly enveloped in soothing pastels cussing out the energy-sucking, negativity-generating asshat of a vampire who’s pissing in your cheerios and annoying him/her in the process.  See…

 

REVENGE CAN BE NOT ONLY SWEET, BUT ABSURDLY ADORABLE AS WELL.

 

In short I hope this makes you laugh just in case…

 
 

YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

You Ever Have One Of Those Days

 
 

Pissed Fawn Kisses & Good Vibes Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGE  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN, BUT IF YOU KNOW HOW MADE THIS THEN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME SO I CAN NOT ONLY GIVE THEM CREDIT BUT TELL THEM HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM FOR THEIR AWESOMENESS  ::

 

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5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.
 

UNLESS you live in some alternate reality or parallel universe where Hallmark hasn’t taken over the world with the stealth of a rhyming ninja then you know that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  A day that has come to be a celebration of love and a show of appreciation for that special someone who puts up with all your bullshit (hey…we’ve all got bullshit, so it’s no big deal) and loves you not only despite it but because of it.  But let’s face it…

 

NOT ALL OF US HAVE A SPECIAL BULLSHIT PUTTER-UPPER IN OUR LIVES.

SOME OF US ARE KICKIN’ IT SOLO.

(AND CONTRARY TO WHAT THE MEDIA AND DATING SITES WOULD HAVE THE WORLD BELIEVE, SOME SINGLE WOMEN ARE PERFECTLY CONTENT THAT WAY, SO LET’S NOT ASSUME THE EVERY SINGLE WANTS TO BE A DOUBLE AND IS IN NEED OF PITY, CONDOLENCES AND/OR UNASKED FOR SET UPS.)

crazy-cat-lady

 

If pop culture and the media are to be believed (which they aren’t, in case you were wondering), those of us women that fall into the “single” category fit conveniently into two primary groups:

~  those who are single and lonely but still love love and are on a constant quest (read as completely desperate) to attain coupledom or…
 
~ those who are single and have given up on love and thus are sad, angry and bitter which they express through sarcasm and general snarkiness while owning a lot of cats and enjoying she’s-so-lonely-she’s-gone-completely-crazy hobbies (like building to scale replicas of every member of Menudo ever out of used popsicle sticks) as they try to convince the world that love is a big ol’ stinking pile of *insert excrement of your choice here*.

 

On the flip-side the media also wants us to believe that those lucky individuals who survived the horror of single life and have been blessed with the miracle of a committed relationship also fall into two distinct primary categories:

~  those who are all squishy and demonstrative, call each other “Pookey” while finishing each others sentences and wake up with rainbows shooting out of their asses and birds perched on their windowsill singing to them as they get ready for their day (because they are, after all, in love and are therefor happier and more magical than those not in love) or…
 
~  those who were in love but are now trapped in a hopeless relationship void of any feeling other than resentment and disgust with no way out of the hell they’ve created for themselves so they make everyone uncomfortable as they and their lover-turned-enemy take jabs at each other and engage in classic passive-aggressive behavior.

 

While these Hollywood stereotypes exist for a reason (we’ve all met at least one of each) they certainly aren’t the rule.  But that doesn’t stop filmmakers from using them in their boring and formulaic romance films that are usually so bad many would rather gouge their eyes out with a rusty grapefruit spoon than sit through 120 minutes of such mind-numbing cinematic garbage.

 
 

BUT I HAVE A SECRET.  I HAVE A REMEDY.  I KNOW OF SOME ROMANCE FILMS THAT ARE ACTUALLY…GOOD.

*gasp*

the-notebook

 

These films are a far cry from The Notebook or any of those obvious love stories (examples of which I can’t come up with because I so often find the genre completely repellent).  These are…different.  These challenge the idea of what love really means, of what love really looks like.  So invite everyone you know (and actually like) to come over, kick back and watch these…

 
 

5 ROMANTIC MOVIES YOU’LL LOVE BECAUSE THEY DON’T SUCK.

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 
 
 

1)  SECRETARY

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 

I’m not saying that 50 Shades of Grey ripped off Secretary (oh wait, yes I am…the leading man is also named Grey and is about a more…exotic relationship) but Secretary is THE perfect love story based on the dominant-submissive paradigm.  And it’s beautiful.  Everything about it is beautiful.

The love, though a far cry from traditional, is deep, profound and perfect.  The characters are endearingly awkward, the cinematography is beautiful and the story is…intelligent. Shocking, I know.

 

secretary-2

 

So instead of going to see the poor imitation of the original, stay in and watch Secretary.  James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal are truly at their best in this bizarre and heartwarming film about the beauty and honesty of “abnormal” and “perverted” love.

If it doesn’t make your heart melt then check your pulse because you may not have one.  You’ll never look at worms, peas and roaches the same way again.

 
 

2)  SID AND NANCY

sid-and-nancy-bang-bang

 

Okay.  So this biopic starring a very young (and drool-worthy) Gary Oldman as Sex Pistols’ bassist Sid Vicious isn’t the healthiest of romances.  I don’t want to spoil the story for those of you who were never into punk and don’t know what transpired so I’ll keep this short and sweet.  Sid and Nancy were the poster kids for dysfunctional co-dependent love.  But even though they were as f’ed up as f’ed up can get they really truly loved each other in the only twisted and seriously messed up way they knew how.  I knew many a kid in high school that wanted their kind of love (which had me rather concerned for their emotional health).

The passion between them was undeniable, but tumultuous doesn’t even begin to cover their life together.  And demons, being what they are, often bring things to ruin.  If you don’t know this true story it will shock you.

 

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 

But knowing you guys, odds are at least 97% of you have seen it.  So why not give it another watch for VD (an appropriate abbreviation in this instance, don’t you think?) and remember why you loved it so much to begin with.  Because you know that scene of them kissing by the dumpster with garbage falling all around is crazy beautiful and is forever the symbol of punk love in all its f’ing gory…erm…I mean glory.

 
 

3)  Buffalo ‘66

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 

A dark romantic comedy that involves the kidnapping of a tap dance student as well as a monologue about Cadillac Elorados in the first five minutes?  I’m in.  Vincent Gallo *swoon* and Christina Ricci star in this dark and bizarre romantic comedy that…it just really defies description.  To even attempt to describe it would just leave you confused and assuming it sucks.  Which it doesn’t.

I was obsessed with this movie from 1999 until…mmmmm…2001-ish?  I literally watched it at least once a day and sometimes more (and by watched I mean I would have it on when I went to sleep or it would play in the background while I worked on a painting.  What.  I told you I have OCD.  Did you think I was kidding when I said I have obsessive compulsive tendencies?  It was a ritual thing).

 

christina-ricci-buffalo-66

 

There’s a five minute monologue that takes place in a bowling alley photo booth that I used as my outgoing message on my answering machine (which resulted in a lot of hang-ups and even more “Seriously, Alli?  Oh my god.  F*ck You.  I love you, but f*ck you.  Erase that shit, please. What is wrong with you. Seriously.  I hate you right now.  Let’s go have a drink even though you suck.”  I did not erase it. *insert evil grin here*)

So if you like weirdness,  sparkly blue eyeshadow, tap dancing in bowling alleys, assassination plots in titty bars, guys named Goon, awkward conversations, even more awkward love and disinterested and delusional parents then for the love of god, watch this movie.  There’s a reason I was (and still am to a lesser extent) obsessed with this film.  Doooooo it.

 
 

4)  STRANGER THAN FICTION

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 

Let me begin by saying I am not a Will Ferrell fan – not in comedies anyway.  But a dark comedy?  Yes.  (*ahem* Everything Must Go. *ahem* Watch it. You’re welcome.)  And a dark quasi-romantic, quasi-fantasy tragic comedy?  Oh, hell yes!  I don’t know why this film didn’t get more credit than it did.  This movie is genius.  It’s about an IRS agent named Harold, an insanely attractive anarchist baker he’s auditing, disembodied voices, and a watch that needs to mind its own business.

 

stranger-than-fiction-guitar-shopping

 

Even as the story unfolds you’re unclear if you’re watching a twisted romantic comedy or a darkly humorous tragedy.  Of course you find out in the end, but in between are scenes of sheer brilliance and dialogue that you find yourself jotting down because it’s too fantastic not to remember, let alone not quote.  Yes, it has romance.  No, it’s not traditional or nauseating.  And you will never look at guitars nor watches the same ever again.

 
 

5)  LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

5 Romantic Movies You’ll Love Because They Don’t Suck.

 

A movie about a man who is…let’s call it taking a vacation from reality who decides he’s tired of being alone (and his nagging, intrusive family).  So he does what anyone else would do.  He orders and falls in love with Bianca…a sex doll.  If you haven’t seen it yet then I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but I will say this is not the perv-fest you would expect it to be.  It’s actually a really beautiful story about love, compassion, heartbreak, healing and trying to deal with a life that you just don’t have a clue how to handle.  Screw The Notebook.  This is Ryan Gosling in a real romance film, sex doll and all.

 

Already seen this list?  Did you love them or loathe them?  What are your favorite non-traditional romance films (or novels for that matter)?  Do tell, do tell.  I’m always in need of more viewing material.  By the way, the first person who leaves a comment that correctly guesses the movie that I’ve pasted into the scene of movie watchers in the theater in this post will get a special surprise care package from me, so good luck!

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  SOURCE UNKNOWN  ::  VIA THE DAILY BEAST  ::  THE NOTEBOOK  ::  COMPOSITE BY ALLI WOODS FREDERICK  ::  SECRETARY  ::  SID & NANCY  ::  BUFFALO ‘66  ::  STRANGER THAN FICTION  ::  LARS AND THE REAL GIRL  ::

 
 

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