You Can Put Your Foot Down

 

You are absolutely, one hundred percent, allowed to say “No” without a single explanation. You don’t have to make up excuses. You don’t have to tell the truth. Of course you also don’t have to be an ass about it either. A simple “I appreciate the offer but no thank you” or “Thank you but I’m not interested” is absolutely all you need to say.

 

YOU CAN PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN

 

You Can Put Your Foot Down


 

I know for all my female readers out there this goes against our social conditioning to be agreeable, apologetic and to feel guilty when not doing what others want us to do.  It’s hard for us to say no and simply leave it at that.

We don’t want to hurt feelings and we have been trained with great efficiency by our culture that women should acquiesce and always do what others want first and put our own needs last – because that is what a good woman was.  We are the caregivers after all.

But don’t buy into it.  Say no if you don’t want to do it.  It’s okay.  The world will not stop.  You will not be burned at the stake…anymore.  It is fine to put yourself – your needs and your wants – first.  This is not advocating selfishness.  I’m not Ayn Rand.  It is advocating self-care and knowing that serving yourself first allows you to better serve others in ways that supports both you and the others in question.

 

SO JUST SAY NO.

You Can Put Your Foot Down


 

I promise you’ll live if you do.  I have turned down business deals which could have made me money because the company’s ideals and mine didn’t align…and I’m still here.  Alive and kickin’.  And you will be to.

When have you said no, without explanation, and how did you feel afterwards?  I’d love to know.  Feel free to dish your empowering (or souring) experience in the comments.  I’d love for us to discuss this…especially as women, since saying no without apologizing immediately afterward goes against this quietly assigned aspect of our gender role.  (And I swear I’m not getting all hardcore vagina-flashing, man-hating feminazi on you.  That’s not my style.  I’m all about the love, remember?)  So share away…

 

HOW DID IT FEEL WHEN YOU SAID NO?

 

Until next time…

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  LEARN TO SAY NO BY LADY MARIE SANTELICES  ::  NO VIA GRASSROOTSY  ::

 

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Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata

 
Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata

 

HORCHATA.  What can I say.  It’s f**king delicious.  Of course, it’s probably lethal if you’re diabetic, but damn is it good.

Do you know what else is delicious?  Pumpkin spice…well…everything.  Pumpkin spice everything is delicious.  So I was sitting about contemplating delicious things and having a desire to consume said delicious things when my brain had an epic “Duh” moment…

(not to be confused with Oprah’s “Aha” moment…which I wish someone would inform her she did NOT invent and that prior to her coining one of the most annoying phrases ever it was known as an epiphany.  Too bad she doesn’t spend some of her never ending money to hire someone to tell her when something she is about to say or do is stupid – like listing a $5000 cashmere throw as something “everyone should have” in an old issue of her magazine.  I can think of much more fun things to do with 5 large…but I’m going off on a major Oprah-hating rant which isn’t the point).

 

PUMPKIN SPICE WINTER HORCHATA

And BAM!  Deliciousness squared was born.  Your taste buds are getting ready to thank me.  Wait.  That sounds creepy and weird and borderline molest-y.  So let’s strike that and rewind it.  You are about to thank me.  Yes.  That will do quite nicely.  You will thank me.  So here we go with this amazingly easy (though it does take a bit of prep time) and yum yum in your tummy goodness.  Let’s go!

 

PUMPKIN SPICE WINTER HORCHATA RECIPE:

Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata


 

INGREDIENTS & SUPPLIES:

* THIS RECIPE MAKES 4 SMALL CUPS OR 2 LARGE GLASSES.  TO DOUBLE THE SERVING JUST…WELL…DOUBLE THE INGREDIENTS.
3 HOUR PREP TIME BUT WITH ONLY ABOUT 5 MINUTES OF ACTUAL WORK.  IT’S FREAKISHLY FAST AND EASY TO MAKE. *

 

*  Blenders
*  2 Pitchers (Trust me…it’s easier than trying to clean rice sludge out of a blender.)
*  Cheesecloth (available at craft and fabric stores; usually comes in little bags)
*  Fine Mesh Strainer
*  1 Cup of Uncooked White Rice
*  5 Cups of Water
*  1/4 Cup Almond Milk (or soy or regular dairy milk.  I prefer almond for personal reasons.)
*  1/2 Cup Pumpkin Pie Spice Creamer (I used International Delights though any brand will do.)
*  1/3 Cup White Sugar
*  1 tbsp Vanilla Extract
* 1/4 tbsp Sugar Free French Vanilla Torani Syrup (not necessary but it gives it an extra kick of yum.)
*  1/2 tbsp Ground Cinnamon
*  Nutmeg to Taste (a few pinches – approximately 1/6 tbsp.  Just eyeball it.)

 

Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata


 

*  IN A BLENDER, mix your 5 cups of water with your uncooked rice and blend the over-loving hell out of it.  The rice should resemble sludge and the water should start to look like it has cataracts.  Not the most appetizing comparison, but that’s how it looks. *shrugs* Sorry.

(Depending on your blender this can take more than a few quick whirs of the blades.  Mine belongs to the itty bitty blender committee so I have to break it up into batches and hit it for about 5 minutes per batch to get the right consistency.)

 

*  POUR your rice/water mix into a pitcher (trust me, you don’t want to scrub that rice sludge off blender blades) and let it sit for at least 3 hours.

 

Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata


 

*  AFTER 3 hours, strain the now very, very white water into a new pitcher using your fine mesh strainer lined with cheesecloth.  Squeeze the cheesecloth to get out the rest of the water and then chuck the rice-y sludge cheesecloth in the bin (unless you find a new, creative way to recycle it, in which case please let me know in the comments.  Waste not, want not).

 

Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata


 

*  ADD your almond milk and pumpkin pie spice creamer.

*  ADD your sugar**.

(**THIS IS SUBJECT TO PERSONAL TASTE, BUT HOLD OFF ON ADDING ADDITIONAL SUGAR UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL THE OTHER INGREDIENTS ADDED. YOU’LL WANT TO GIVE IT A TASTE BEFORE YOU TWEAK IT. TRUST ME. I MADE A BATCH ONCE THAT MADE MY TEETH HURT. LEARN FROM MY DIABETIC COMA INDUCING MISTAKE.  ALSO, IF YOU OPT FOR A SUGAR SUBSTITUTE LIKE STEVIA OR SPLENDA, PLEASE KNOW I HAVE ZERO IDEA HOW THIS WILL TASTE OR THE QUANTITY TO USE.  SUGAR SUBSTITUTES SOMETIMES WORK AND SOMETIMES DON’T.  IF YOU DO USE IT AND IT TASTES GREAT, PLEASE LET ME KNOW THE TYPE AND QUANTITY USED.  I PREFER SUGARFREE WHENEVER POSSIBLE AND WOULD LOVE TO KNOW IF YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL WITH THIS RECIPE.)

*  ADD your vanilla extract and your Torani french vanilla syrup (either regular or sugar free).  You can adjust this to taste once you’re done.

*  MIX in your cinnamon and nutmeg

*  STIR really, really, really well.  And I mean really well.  And you’ll need to stir it again before every serving because all the spices settle to the bottom.

*  GIVE it a little taste and then adjust everything to your liking – more vanilla, more pumpkin pie creamer, more sugar, more cinnamon.

 

Pumpkin Spice Winter Horchata


 

*  SERVE chilled.  I prefer it without ice (I despise ice what with all its diluting and too coldness) but I know others like it and it does make it look prettier.  So, yeah, serve chilled with or without ice.

That’s it!  It’s done and ready to get straight into your tummy.

Pumpkin Pie not your thing?  You can make any variation with any flavor creamer of your choice.  Or if you like your drinks on the hard side you can always add some liquor.  I’ve heard good things about Rumchata or you could try a flavored vodka.

Me?  I’ll be making eggnog horchata for the family this Christmas…even though I know my mom will be the only one to taste it and she’ll say it’s too sweet and everyone else will decline because they’re not ones to try new things.  But’s that okay because that means…

THERE’S MORE FOR ME.

 

If you come up with a unique horchata recipe, feel free to share your genius with the rest of the class. *wink*  Happy drinking!…

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGES  ::  ALL IMAGES © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.  ::

 
 

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beware-the-horror-of-novocaine-face

 

FUNNY how you never really realize everything you do with your mouth until you can’t really use it anymore.  Case in point?  The aftermath of novocaine.

I had dental work yesterday and it suddenly struck me how truly challenging the most mundane of tasks had become, specifically putting on lip gloss and trying to drink out of a straw.  And when I thought about how much I was struggling with these basic little everyday life things it dawned on me that it must look as insane as it felt.

 

WHEN I LOOKED IN THE MIRROR & TRIED TO PERFORM THESE DAILY RITUALS I REALIZED…I WAS RIGHT…BOY WAS I EVER.

 

My visage, the way my face contorted, was truly a sight to behold.  I realize you have no basis for comparison as, odds are, you have never seen me apply lip gloss or drink from a straw sans Novocaine, but I assure you that this is not how my face usually looks or functions.

But enough of my prattling.  Brace yourselves and…

 

BEWARE THE HORROR OF NOVOCAINE FACE!

 
 

::  NOVOCAINE:  THE AFTERMATH (PARTS I & II)  ::

* email subscribers click the link above to view the video *

 
 

Yup.  I warned you. Can you imagine that sitting across a table from you on a date?  So bad.  *hangs head*  So very bad.  And that was after some of it had worn off.

Can you imagine if I had been able to capture the horror of it all within the first 15 minutes of being out of the dentist chair?  It would have been the stuff of legend…horrible nightmarish legend. (You honestly have no idea how incredibly challenging that was. I literally had to concentrate to make my face do anything even remotely close to what I wanted it to do and THAT was as good as it got.)

 

SO HERE’S MY CALL TO ACTION FOR YOU:

 

The next time you happen to have some dental work done and are suffering from Novocaine Face, I want to see YOUR video.  Film yourself trying to perform an everyday task that requires the involvement of your face and mouth (keep it clean, kids) and share the link with me in the comments.

I don’t care if it’s one hour from now or one year from now, I want to see it.  Hell, I think we all want to see it.  (And it helps us appreciate just how many of the little things we take for granted…never in my life would I imagine putting on my shiny pout would be such an impossible and borderline harrowing experience.)  So please, do it.  Make yourself a mental note, bookmark this page, and do it when you have the chance.

Until next time…

 
 

Lip Impaired Kisses & Lopsided Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGE  ::  VIA DANLEY DENTAL POSTERS  (YEAH, THAT’S A REAL THING…)  ::

 
 

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CHANGE isn’t most peoples favorite word.  We often associate it with stressful and negative things – divorce; moving; death; getting fired; failure; loss – the list could, literally, be never ending.  But what we forget is that not all change is bad…and that even seemingly negative changes can lead, eventually, to positive outcome.  I think good ol’ Aristotle said it best when he said that is not only inevitable but that…

 

CHANGE CAN BE SWEET

 

CHANGE IS IN ALL THINGS BY SHAAN RAFI

 

We’ve all had changes in our lives that appeared as curses but later turned out to be blessings.  I know one of mine was my divorce.  Heartbreaking though it was (and certainly one of the darker and oddly most enlightening periods of my life) it was honestly for the best, and I could see it as such once I had gained enough distance from the initial trauma.

What changes in your life turned out to be unexpectedly sweet?  Feel free to share them in the comments.  I love hearing other people’s stories (as do other readers) – it reminds us that we’re not alone in our struggles nor in our triumphs…and that’s a beautiful thing.

Until next time…

 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 
 

IMAGE  ::  CHANGE IS SWEET – SHAAN RAFI  ::

 

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Today is a twofer

 

BECAUSE some weeks are a mix of the amazing and the craptacular, today is a twofer. I give you the first ever joint edition of…

Today is a twofer


Today is a twofer


 

As to which are the f*ck yeahs and which are the f*ck its, I’ll leave it to you to decide (though most will be admittedly obvious).  So welcome to my mixed bag, my darling dears.  And feel free to share your own F*ck Yeahs or F*ck Its in the comments below because venting is just as important as spreading love.  And that’s a fact, Jack.  Muwha!

 

Today is a twofer


 

Teddy Roosevelt battling Bigfoot…come on…you know that just made your week.  *  Reconnecting with someone I’ve missed and cared about for years that I never thought I would get to connect with again.  *  Trying something new and really, really liking it.  *  Still getting excited when I think about the return of Twin Peaks…  *

 

Today is a twofer


 

*  …Not to mention the return of Star Wars. (Am I the only one who wants the giant pig dog thing as a pet?  How cute is it?)   *  Mending fences.  *  Rediscovering my love of Constant Comment black tea (to fill in for my impossible to get around here Twinings)  *  Grandma’s birthday.  *  This post about leggings that not only manages to body shame but slut shame…while being completely obnoxious with rudeness guised as humor – a trifecta!  I would love to tell you to read the comments which were rife with shockingly vitriolic body & slut shaming remarks but the author evidently didn’t like the backlash she and her fellow uber-judgmental commenters were receiving and deleted them.  But lucky for you I have one sitting in my inbox…which I will now gladly share.  This comment comes courtesy of one Markus, who seems to have some very clear (and archaic) views on gender roles and who he blames for men being unable to control their wandering eyes and lust issues.  Welcome to 1952, boys and girls. *eye roll*:

 

“…First of all, fashion or not, there is nothing classy about wearing leggings as pants, you might as well just paint your lower half and walk around naked. If you want to find a good guy who will treat you right, wear clothes that makes him want to look at your face when he talks with you. Put down your smart phone and have some hobbies that will create interesting conversation that can capture his attention instead of just your gorgeous body. It’s not secret that women are beautiful, which I appreciate very much; but I don’t want to see your nice curves all the time. I try to keep my mind occupied with clean thoughts and sometimes leggings make that difficult. Ladies, especially if you are married, I ask you to seriously reconsider wearing these things out in public without covering up with something else…. I know, I’ve heard it a million times, “I just want to look good, it’s not about getting the attention of men..” Yeah okay..well guess what, you’re getting it. When I see a ring on your finger I feel bad for you, your husbands, and your children, because I know the kinds of thoughts an comments that a lot of guys make. We live in a society that is tainted with objectification, marriages are disregarded by men on the prowl only looking to satisfy their physical appetites, your daughters are being looked at the same way. I’m only saying this because I still care. These should not be worn as pants alone.”

 

yeah…I warned you.  *  Getting gifts ready for giving.  I seriously love giving presents, more than I like getting them.  I especially love giving handmade and/or really thoughtful, sentimental gifts (I know people cringe at handmade gifts, but mine are f*cking rad).  I just love to make the people I love happy.  *  People who refuse listen to what I’m saying, resulting in repeating myself over and over and over and still they just don’t get it.  Truly migraine inducing sh*t. *  People pissing in my cheerios.  You don’t have to share my excitement, but you don’t have to try and ruin it either.  *  Keira Knightly’s ill conceived topless Photoshop protest failure (which I actually wrote a big ol’ article about but won’t bother posting because artist Molly Crabapple already nailed it…and with far more eloquence and beauty than I had mustered.)  *  The joy of discovering a new book series and the pain of trying to read them slowly to prolong the pleasure (which I am totally failing at despite my best efforts…they’re just so damn good).  *  My beloved Lil Bub, feline extraordinaire, meeting a tiger (and for those who are concerned, the funny stuttering noise the tiger is making is called a chuffle and it’s a sign of affection).  For those unfamiliar with Lil Bub you can find out all about her truly amazing story here.  Have tissues handy.  And just a little bit of random Mischa trivia:  Mischa grew up with baby tigers (along with a baby leopard, baby skunks, baby possums, piglets…but he liked the tigers and leopard the best).  He’s had a very interesting life for a little four legged furball from Texas.  *

 

 
 
 

Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick

 

PS – The Haus of Chaos is having one last holiday sale.  Now through December 14th take $5 off every single item in the shop plus free worldwide shipping.  Just to be clear, that’s not $5 off your order.  It’s $5 off every single item and free worldwide shipping.  That means prints start at $15 (regularly $20), mugs start at $10 (regularly $15)…you get the idea.  So make the geek/art lover/oddball in your life happy with a unique gift designed by yours truly.

 

s6-sale


 
 

IMAGES  ::   TELL THE WORLD TO STOP SPINNING © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.  ::  LOGOS © ALLI WOODS FREDERICK.  ::  TEDDY ROOSEVELT VS. BIGFOOT – SHARPWRITER  ::  VIA WELCOME TO TWIN PEAKS  ::

 

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