Today*s Lesson: The Berlin Wall

Time.  It wages war against history…turning fact into fiction and fiction into fact.  Ever wonder how time will warp the details of our lives and our history?  Wonder no more.  Welcome to the future of education.  Welcome to the year 3024.  This is Intro to Galactic History 101.  This class will be covering the early Earth Years through the Martian Terraformation Act and the subsequent overthrow of the Robot Overlords in the Great Reclamation Rebellion of 2376.  Please take your hover seats, activate your virtual eye implants and let’s get started.

Today’s Lesson:

The Berlin Wall

Earth.  The year is 1961 AD.  In the city of Berlin a wall was being built.  But this was not just any wall.  It was a wall built on the need for power and control.  It was a wall built on fear.  It was a wall that not only divided a city but divided lives, divided families.  Between 1961 and 1989 more than 5000 people tried to make their way over the wall.  People’s desperation to escape the misery of life in East Berlin drove them to desperate measures – digging tunnels under the wall, escaping by hot air balloon, and even zip lines.  Manned with armed guards, attempts to cross the wall to defect to West Berlin resulted in violence and bloodshed.  As many as 200 people were murdered while attempting to escape East Berlin, to escape to freedom.  Then, one amazing day in 1989 an amazing thing occurred.  The greatly revered musical genius Saint David Hasselhoff, patron saint of Germany and chest hair, appeared to heal the bleeding wound between the two sides and bring down the wall through the miracle of his music.  Fortunately camera crews were on hand to witness the historic event.  It was truly a sight to behold.

If not for the love, courage and tremendous power of Saint David Hasselhoff’s miraculous performance the landscape of not only Berlin but of Eastern Europe, the planet Earth and even our current United Galactic Coalition of Peace would have been drastically different.  It is for this reason that every July 17, Saint David Hasselhoff’s day of birth, we gather to celebrate our freedom through the traditional donning of artificial chest hair and red swim trunks while holding  hands and singing The United Galactic Coalition of Peace’s Anthem “Looking for Freedom.”

That concludes today’s lesson on The Fall of the Berlin Wall.  Please remember to activate your neural infoload connection and download next week’s assignments before leaving class today.  Class dismissed.

Intergalactic Kisses & Revisionist History Chaos,

Alli Woods Frederick

image credits:  laying bricks – Berlin Wall via  |  David Hasselhoff via  |
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