ANOTHER month has slipped past. How does that happen? Wasn’t it just November yesterday? *looks around in confusion* Seriously. Where. The. F*ck. Does the time go? All I did was blink and poof.
TIME IS A FUNNY THING.
I realize it’s been ages since I’ve written a Postscript (for those of you unfamiliar, it’s a roundup of links, which is way more entertaining than it sounds. Clicking links and falling down the interweb rabbit hole is a great way to waste time…erm…I mean enrich yourself and be productive.) so I thought “Why the hell not?” So with that, here’s some:
c) weird stuff
d) all of the above
A WHOLE LOTTA LINK-Y LOVE
SUMMER, SEXTING & STEVEN HAWKING:
*JAMIE OVER AT INTERTITLES fills us in on World Goth Day with a whole lot of dark-lipped awesomeness and Goth Juice. (and yes I’m sharing a link round-up post in a link round-up post, the act of which may or may not cause a rift in the space-time continuum, so if you sprout a third arm – which will hopefully be in the middle of your back so you can scratch those hard-to-reach places – or find yourself in an alternate dimension where the only store that exists is Wal-Mart with nary a Target to be found (also known as a hell dimension) then I apologize in advance)
*EVERYONE’S FAVORITE ITTY-BITTY ANGRY MAN: Glenn Danzig sues everyone on earth…and given his ego, possibly the universe. This is, by far, one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.
*BEWARE OF EARWORMS: I can’t have someone mention Danzig (which, thank god, doesn’t happen very often) without thinking of this Danzig/Shakira mock-duet of Hips Don’t Lie, which cracks me up every time.
*EVER WONDER WHY MEN DON’T TEXT BACK? Well the hilarious Almie Rose of Apocalypstick asked and men answered. Some responses are thoughtful and coherent, others, not so much. Does it actually shed any light on the why’s? Not really. Several of the “reasons” are more than a little immature and total bs given their ages, but it’s an interesting read nonetheless.
*LANA DEL RAY will sing at your wedding for free. She said it, now it’s legally binding. If you do manage to wrangle her into it please hire me to shoot your wedding. I won’t do it for free because I’m a starving artist, but I WILL give you some freakin’ gorgeous wedding photos, for realsies.
*DISCLAIMER: NSFW and I mean AT ALL. (or for you, Mom. For the love of god don’t read the rest of this or click the link, okay mom? I promise you won’t find it as hilarious as I did and that you will, without doubt, be wildly offended). If you haven’t heard of Critique My Dick Pic then you are missing out. I’m pretty sure every woman has received an unwanted dick pic (hooray for digital sexual harassment). This site is a one woman crusade to help these misguided men improve their photos. What you’ll find there: men with insecurities, men who overcompensate, men who were artistic and vulnerable and one woman critiquing it all without body-shaming or judgment…merely critiquing the quality of the image to help men turn their visual cock assaults into works of erotic art. Here’s a sample critique of an “abstract” dick pic that had me laughing my ass off…you’ll have to click through for the image.
this is, indeed, an abstract one. your pose is beyond weird, and like nothing i’ve ever seen before. are you comfortable? you don’t look comfortable. your picture feels uncomfortable. i feel as if i’ve stumbled upon you after you’ve had a stroke or a car accident, and now i need to help a vulnerable, naked stranger. it’s disarming.
i mean, look: the picture quality is excellent. the framing is expert and the use of shadow is subtle and effective. it’s just that i’m looking straight up your butt crack, and that’s not wildly erotic to me. i don’t know that this is really working.
thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a C+.”
*AND SPEAKING OF DICKS, here’s what NOT to say to someone who’s been dumped. A-freakin-men. Although I would add “god never gives us more than we can handle” to this list. Really? I bet everyone who ever committed suicide or gone on a killing spree would disagree with you because they, quite obviously, couldn’t handle it. So either you’re wrong or God performs some rather serious and grievous miscalculations as to what, exactly, people can handle.
*AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT OF GETTING DUMPED, here’s an interesting and incredibly open and candid list of things men said to one woman after she told them she had herpes.
*YOU KNOW I’m not one to publically discuss politics (or religion) and I’m not sharing this to ignite a sh*t storm (aren’t I eloquent) or debate. I just had to share this brilliant clip from John Oliver’s new show, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on HBO, where he gives a wonderfully inappropriate and hilarious account of the death penalty and its statistics…and it’s what I’ve been saying since I debated the topic in 7th grade. So thank you, John Oliver, for presenting the information in a non-threatening, non-controversial and total side splitting way.
*STEVEN HAWKING is finally catching on to what I’ve been saying for decades, which is that artificial intelligence isn’t such a hot idea. I’m not saying I’m smarter than Steven Hawking…I’m just saying I said it before him.
*HERE’S A STORY about what happens when you take a rescue cat to a pet psychic…and now I totally want to go to one…although I’m pretty sure Mischa would just say “Holy crap. I love my person so much. I love her. I wish she would pet me all day and snuggle with me all day instead of working on art and writing all the time, but holy crap I love her so much. When she takes my picture I feel important. I love my person so much. Holy crap.” Of course I’m just making an educated guess based on how he stares at me, but I’m pretty sure I nailed it.
*WHAT. THE. F*CK. Are these videos? There are thousands of them and they’re all f’in we-e-e-e-e-e-e-eird. Anyone? Conspiracy theories abound…
*FINE ART PHOTOGRAPHER BROOKE SHADEN shares her plan for preparing for success…something a lot of people struggle with.
*THE FABULOUS DANIELLE LAPORTE celebrated her birthday with her traditional Pay-What-You-Want-Day on her entire digital Desire Map collection1 (learn to make goals with soul. So many yesses). Of course I jumped all over that sh*t because I’ve been eyeballing it for-EVER. I can’t wait to get started on it. If you want to join me, grab yourself a copy and let’s Desire Map together. That sounds kinda dirty…
1: this is an affiliate link which means if you use this link and wind up making a purchase I am compensated.
*TO WRAP UP MAY’S POSTSCRIPT I leave you with an interview of one Miss Cali Sales. I knew her back in the day when she was just a cute little ten year old girl who was into insects and butterflies and lived next door to me in Austin. Now she’s living in Brooklyn and is a completely badass illustrator and model (if you’re a fan of Boudoir Queen, which you should be, then you’ve seen Cali modeling some of the most beautiful and decadent dresses ever). I’m so proud of her. Keep kicking ass, Cali.