LOVE. It’s such an amazing whirlwind…an awesome adventure that makes your pulse race. He’s/she’s all you think about. He makes you giddy. He makes your heart soar.
And then it happens – the inevitable crash.
Something’s changed. It’s not all sunshine, rainbows and ponies anymore. How do you know if you should ride out the rough patch or if it’s time to call it quits? Is your relationship over? Here are 5 signs that your relationship is on the rocks & it may be time to call it quits.
1) You let his calls go to voicemail
Remember how you used to wait in breathless anticipation for the phone to ring? Remember how you used to be so disappointed when it wasn’t that special someone on the other line? Yeah. Those were the days.
Now when he/she calls you let it go to voicemail. You’ll call back when you’re done watching the American Horror Story episode you missed last week.
This is not a good sign.
If you do it once or twice that’s fine. We’re all guilty of it sometimes. But if you find you’re blowing off phone calls for any and every reason possible, well…let’s just say that the characters on American Horror Story aren’t the only things dying…so is your relationship.
Are you taking the relationship for granted or has it become more trouble than it’s worth?
2) You argue A Lot
It should be obvious why this means there’s a problem. Sure we all disagree sometimes about whether to grab some sushi or Mexican, whether to watch a zombie movie or an action film but if you find small disagreements are turning into full blown raging scream-fests, then you’ve got a problem.
You may be arguing about the little things because there’s a larger issue you’re not addressing. If so, suck it up and address it already, while you can still salvage the relationship. But what if that’s not the case?
Are you discovering you just aren’t compatible or are you looking for excuses to get your knickers in a knot? Either way, it’s not good.
NOTE: The only time this doesn’t apply is if your relationship is argumentative straight out of the gate. If you both thrive on wild arguments and passionate make ups then this doesn’t apply. But be forewarned: relationships that are big on drama don’t have good track records. That level of passion is very hard to maintain. You may put the “fun” in dysfunctional but I wouldn’t count on your story ending with “happily ever after.” Sid & Nancy, anyone?
3) Your gettin’ it on has got up and went
Okay. It’s time to face facts. Every single relationship in the history of relationships has its dry spells in the bedroom. Every. Single. One. Life sometimes gets the best of us. Whether it’s stress, illness, extra hours at the office or just a natural dip in hormones everyone goes through a time when sex gets put on the back burner. It happens. So how do you know when it’s a serious problem?
If you want to get busy…just not with your partner then you’ve got a problem.
If it’s a matter of stress, hormones or any of the other normal libido squashing issues and it’s causing friction then discuss it. But if you’ve lost interest in him specifically then do both of you a favor:
Be honest about it and above all don’t cheat.
Tell him how you’re feeling. Who knows, maybe talking about it will help improve your relationship…or maybe you’ll both decide it’s time to move on. Whatever the outcome, you owe it to each other to be honest.
4) Everything he does drives you crazy
…And I don’t mean in a good way.
I knew it was over with one of my ex’s when I found myself getting really, really annoyed with his breathing. He wasn’t a loud breather or a mouth breather…it was the mere act of him inhaling and exhaling. I could hear it and I hated it. It made me want to hold a pillow over his face. No lie. It was that bad. I also started getting annoyed with how he walked. He was heavy on his feet. I’m ashamed to admit it but I was relieved when he sprained his ankles and had to use crutches for a month. Finally a reprieve from his incessant stomping and lumbering about! (Not one of my proudest or most compassionate moments, but there it is.) Our relationship was an absolute nightmare. To this day I have no idea why we stayed together for as long as we did. Needless to say he and I did not remain friends.
When little things like the way he breathes, walks, folds his socks or says “irregardless” make you want to commit unspeakable acts of torture and terror then it may be time to move on.
Things might get better (we all get on each other’s nerves from time to time)…or you might go insane from all the pent up rage. If you’re to the point where you’re pretty sure you could justify homicide (no jury would convict you if they could just see the way he eats…he’s such a pig!) then it might be in both parties best interest if you cut your losses and move on to greener and less infuriating pastures. Who knows…you might even be able to work things out while you’re apart…but if you’re together and overflowing with disgust and resentment then nothing will ever get resolved.
5) You quit planning for your future together
In the beginning you would talk about road trips you were going to take together. You’d talk about all the adventures the two of you would have…hand in hand, conquering the world one off ramp at a time. You were excited about your future together. But what about now?
Do spend more time planning personal escapes than interesting escapades for the two of you to share?
If you’re not thinking about your future together then it might mean you’ve emotionally checked out of the relationship. If you aren’t looking forward to your future then how do you really feel about your present?
Are you so bogged down by the day to day tasks that you simply don’t have the energy to invest in planning or daydreams?
Bills, problems at works and the stresses of day to day living can sometimes suck the joy out of the happiest of relationships for a little while. It happens. That is a problem that can be overcome with some time and a little tlc.
But what if you simply don’t envision having a life together? What do you do then?
It’s time for an honest conversation…first with yourself and then with your partner. You need to really think about what you want…and if it’s not him then it’s time to let him go. It’s not fair to either of you to stay together only to be miserable. You both deserve to be happy and if you aren’t happy together and you can’t make it work no matter how hard you try then it’s time to move on.
Remember: there is no such thing as a perfect relationship.
They all take work…all of them. We all deserve to be with someone who loves and supports us. But when it’s all said and done, only you know if your relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to let go and move on.
Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick
NOTE: Abuse of any kind is NEVER okay in a relationship, whether it’s physical, emotional or verbal. If you are being abused and need help there are a number of resources and hotlines available. Please seek help immediately. You can have a better life. No one deserves to be abused. No one.
Domestic Abuse Information and Hotlines:
- Abuse Victim Hotline (free legal advice and counsel)
Phone: toll free: 877-448-8678
- Between Friends
Phone: (800) 603-HELP, (800) 603-4357
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
Phone: (800) 799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), (800) 787-3224 (TTY)
- Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
Phone: (800) 656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)
Learn more about domestic and dating abuse by following this link.
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