Do You Want to be the Ashes or the Phoenix?


the phoenix


WE ALL HAVE THOSE EXPERIENCES in life that have the potential to break our spirits, to create a downward spiral of hate, bitterness and despair.

WE ARE ALL DEALT crushing blows.  Our loved ones die unexpectedly.  We suffer abuse at the hands of others.  We discover that those we love with all our hearts are betrayers of, not only our trust, but of the very love we freely give.  We are cheated on, lied to and stolen from.  We have all had at least one of these moments in our lives…some of us have had them all and then some.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT these moments provide us with opportunities.  When these life-shattering moments occur we have a choice to make.  We can choose to allow the experience to drag us down, to burden our souls and blacken our hearts.  We can choose anger.  We can choose resentment.  We can choose bitterness.  We can choose to destroy ourselves.  It is the easy choice to make.


WE CAN TAKE TIME to grieve, to feel, to process the impact it’s had on our lives and our hearts…and then allow the tragedy to lift us up, teach us and help us evolve into a more beautiful being than we were before.  As trite as it sounds we can use our pain to grow.  We can transform suffering.  We can choose love.  We can choose forgiveness.  We can choose happiness.  We can choose to heal ourselves.  It is the more difficult choice to make.




the phoenix


I’M NOT GOING TO LIE.  It’s not easy.  The greater the pain the harder to rise from the ashes, but it can be done.  It has been done.  I’ve done it.  I am doing it.  And so can you.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME.  Give yourself love.  Give yourself forgiveness.  And when you’re done give those things to others…even those who have hurt you.

CARRYING AROUND ANGER, hatred and resentment only burns you in the end.  So let it go.  Let it all go and allow yourself to soar.


Kisses & Chaos,

Alli Woods Frederick


images ::  phoenix illustration – spark paper  ::  phoenix – galvanise the dog  ::
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  • Shana Mattheis

    So. Very. True. It is not about pushing it away and not feeling the pain, the grief, the loss… it is about acknowledging it and allowing it to pass through us and leave us with the experience and knowledge that enables us to grow and become more. Phoenix baby!

    • I’m watching Harry Potter and would you believe the scene that played while I read your comment was the one where Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes, flies off into the sunset? How’s that for timing?

      • Shana Mattheis

        I LOVE synchronicity!!

  • I’ve been that phoenix so many times and I don’t regret having fallen to ashes. You’re right about those low places being learning and growing opportunities. Sometimes, we shine brighter in the dark.

    • I like that…”shine brighter in the dark.”
      Well said.