If you’re reading this then I assume you work in a cubicle and that, for you, going to work is akin to gouging out your eyes with a rusty grapefruit spoon as an overly perky co-worker says “TGIF! Am I right?” over and over like a broken record whilst squirting lemon juice in the gaping wound where your peepers used to be.
IN SHORT? IT’S HELL.
I know your pain all too well. I too, used to have that job and the tenuous little wisp of sanity that I clung to tenaciously. Desks jobs aren’t for me…and if you’re still reading this then I’m guessing they aren’t for you either, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep a roof over your head.
So I have created this post with you and your growing homicidal urges in mind.
It’s all for you, babe. Enjoy.
10 MANTRAS FOR PEOPLE TRAPPED IN CUBICLE HELL
1. This is a means to an end.
2. It is wrong to shove (insert name of coworker)’s phone up her/down her (insert orifice here).
3. At least I have health insurance.
4. I will laugh about this someday.
5. Arson is not the answer.
6. Paid vacation. Paid vacation. Paid vacation.
7. It’s almost 5. (avoid this mantra if it’s earlier than 1:00 pm)
8. Friday I’m calling in sick.
9. I can quit anytime I damn well please.
10. F**k it. F**k it. F**k it. I don’t give a s**t. F**k it.
*Note that repeating some of these out loud may result in disciplinary action by your superiors, so if you must say them out loud please do so very quietly and at your own risk.
Repeat as needed.
Now make like a motivational poster of a cat and Hang In There! TGIF! Am I right?
Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick