THERE is a mantra in the Frank Herbert book Dune (geek alert) that states:
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
But what is more harmful, more damaging, more painful and hides at the root of fear? Doubt. And…
DOUBT KILLS DREAMS.
Doubt kills dreams before we ever even have the chance to fail. We doubt our talent. We doubt our skill. We doubt our worthiness.
My dream for as long as I can remember (alongside being a garbage man, prima ballerina and the first black female president…yeah, you heard me. I was three years old. What do you want from me? Kids are f*cking weird) was to be an actress and an artist.
When I was 10 I realized, despite my creativity and desire to produce my visions on paper, my skills were severely limited. Art was dead. I doubted my ability to grow and improve so I quit.
When I was 11 years old (and when the “rules” of dance were very different) my doctor told me I’d be lucky if I broke 5’4”…a height too short for a ballerina, but I still had dreams of Broadway where there were no height requirements.
When I was 16 I was told if I continued to dance I would need artificial kneecaps by the age of 20. So there went Broadway. But I still had acting…though not for long.
When it became clear that I wanted to pursue acting as a career, a well-meaning family member intervened on behalf of my doomed future.
I was told I‘d:
“…be a waitress for the rest of your life and be a burden on your family.”
I was told I needed to quit being:
“childish and unrealistic. There are thousands of girls out there who want to be actresses. You’re nothing special. You don’t have a chance.”
And with that the seeds of doubt were planted, watered and in full bloom in my very sensitive mind with its dominating fears of abandonment and rejection.
In one fell swoop my dreams of acting ended. I went dutifully to college (UT Austin. Hook ‘em horns) where I proceeded to flounder because I was left with absolutely zero dreams to pursue.
I had always enjoyed photography so I settled on photojournalism (because to major in art? ART? That’s no better than acting and is a one way ticket to starvation. I knew because I’d been told). And even now, as I pursue a career in my well over decade long rekindled romance with art (this time through photography) I have to battle my feelings of doubt. I doubt myself every time I pick up my camera, share a new image online or hang a piece in a gallery. But I refuse to let doubt do what it did all those years ago…
DOUBT KILLED MY DREAMS DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS.
The truly horrible thing about doubt is that it stops you before you even start. You don’t have the chance to find out if you fail or succeed because you don’t even try.
AND NOT TRYING IS THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD.
You could be missing out on the most amazing thing in your life; the most amazing adventures; the career of your dreams; the love of your life – and all due to doubt in yourself; in the outcome; in the intentions of others; in the future being different from the past. Now why in the world would you want to miss out on adventure, dreams and love due to doubt?
DON’T LET DOUBT KILL YOUR DREAMS.
I know it’s hard but take a deep breath and give faith a try. Give trust a try. Believe. Wonderful things could be just around the corner if you just stop doubting and try instead. Doubt nothing. And those naysayers? F*ck ‘em, family or not. F*ck ‘em all. You’ve got this. I believe in you.
Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick
IMAGE :: SOURCES UNKNOWN (IF YOU KNOW THE CREATOR OF THIS, PLEASE CONTACT ME SO PROPER CREDIT CAN BE GIVEN) ::
