On February 27, 2010, after 6 months of planning, creating, DIY-ing, dress fitting and sweating, my honey and I got married.  Was all the planning and hard work worth it?  Hell yes it was.  We had an AMAZING  day.  Planning and executing a wedding is a (forgive the pun) labor of love and a bit of a miracle.  There were 5 basic ideas that made the process much easier for me, my honey and my family.  These little nuggets saved me some stress and guilt, both of which are completely unnecessary.  I now pass them on to you in the hopes that they will help you relax and actually enjoy this amazing and joyous once in a lifetime experience.  I hope they serve you well.

5 Things You Need to Know About Your Wedding

1) You Can’t Make Everyone Happy All The Time

It’s a fact of life.  Some of your guests will love every detail of your fete, others will complain endlessly about all of it, from the food to the seats to your dress.  Want to know a secret?  It doesn’t matter.  Does this mean you now have the right  to behave like an absolute pill?  Of course not.  You have an obligation to be a good hostess.  You do NOT, however, have an obligation to make sure that your 5th cousin that you haven’t seen since you were 6 and who ONLY drinks glacial water bottled in Antarctica by emperor penguins during a full moon after it has been filtered through diamonds and gold dust has a case of her favorite water on hand and all to herself.  The level of stress it would cause you to make her happy is simply not worth it.  So just do your best to be a kind and considerate hostess and move on.

2) Things Will Go Wrong

Oh, yes, they will, but THAT’S OK.  The sooner you let go of the idea of the “perfect wedding,” the happier you will be.  All sorts of things went wrong at our wedding (like being brought the wrong cake…yeah…pretty big screw up there) and I can tell you that not a single one of them mattered.  All the little problems and glitches didn’t ruin our day.  They actually gave us one more thing to laugh about.  That’s the cool thing about your wedding day.  Despite all the things that can and often will go wrong, it is amazing…100% breathtakingly amazing.  You honestly won’t care if the building falls down around you.  I cross my heart.  As long as you remember that the day is a celebration of love and overwhelming happiness all the hiccups are barely noticeable.

3) Blink Your Eyes and It’s Over

6 months of planning and it’s over in a heartbeat.  It was one of the fastest days of my life and I wasn’t even one of those running-around-with-a-million-things-to-do brides!  I did my own hair and makeup.  The only appointments I had that day were with a manicurist and my husband +1 priest.  Take time to relax and really savor the experience.  Running around like a 5 year old with A.D.H.D. that’s just snorted a pound of pixie sticks will only cause you to be a sweaty, borderline insane bundle of nerves.  Have a cup of tea, take a deep breath and calm the hell down.

4) Establish Your Boundaries & Delegate!

No this isn’t a war zone (although I’m sure it can feel like it sometimes).  You do not need to patrol the perimeter.  When I say boundaries I mean your personal and financial boundaries.  It can be really easy to let people make you feel guilty about decisions you’re making about your dress, your decorations, the food, the guest list, the venue…the list is never ending (please refer to Item No. 1).  This is why it’s so important to set boundaries and be very clear when you communicate them to others.  (Not sure how to go about that?  Try reading this piece from the Mayo Clinic for some advice on how to say “No.”) The same holds true of your finances.  There will always be a bigger, better, nicer, more expensive ring, venue, dress…you get the idea.  Stick to your budget!!! Do you really need that rock the size of a bowling ball?  Do the bands really need to be diamond encrusted platinum?  If you can afford those things, then great!  If not, don’t sweat it.  The day is about love, not showing off.

If you feel like your about to go insane from all the work and people aren’t respecting your boundaries then it’s time to delegate. Call in the cavalry!  Get on the horn and ask your maid of honor, your mother, your sister, your cat, ask anyone you can 100% trust to help you out.  They can do anything from running to the store to grab some waterproof mascara (cause girl, you know you don’t want raccoon eyes at your wedding and it’s better to be safe than sorry) to dealing with that pesky 5th cousin who has not only gotten on your last nerve but is plucking it like a Jew’s harp.  If you don’t learn to delegate then you will have a meltdown, and no one wants to be a hot mess on their wedding day.

5) It’s All About the Love, Baby!

That is your mantra.  Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  As long as you keep this in the front of your mind and allow it to fill your heart nothing else matters.  Ok, ok…so if your 5th cousin’s penguin-water-drinking little monster is trying to use the candles to set your centerpieces on fire, then yes, that absolutely matters, but that’s what maids of honor and venue managers are for (this is where delegating comes in handy).  The only thing your beautiful and brilliant head needs to be filled with is love; love for your partner, love for the adventure on which you are about to embark, love for all the wonderful people who are sharing your magical day with you, love! Love! LOVE!  I know it made all the difference for me.

There you have it, my dears, the 5 things you need to know about your wedding.  Remember, you only do this once, so make it count.  Soak in every second and bask in the love.

Kisses & Chaos,

Alli Woods Frederick

PS- If you have any tips from your own wedding, please share them!  You can leave your pointers in the comments section below.