I remember a day about a year ago that was particularly sucky. I got up at ungodly o’clock to get ready for work. When I awoke I was elated that it was Friday and then completely deflated when I realized that it was, in fact, only Tuesday. This was NOT the best way to start the day.
For some reason, despite my best efforts to thwart it, my day began to go into a tailspin; a downward spiral from which recovery seemed difficult at best and impossible at worst. What made it so awful?
I WAS BEING MY OWN BEST FRENEMY.
For reasons unbeknownst to my conscious mind, my brain decided to be hateful, nay, VISCIOUS, spouting negativity at me and trying its best to “help me” realize “what’s best.” The nasty inner-voice began pulling Band-Aids (or plasters for my friends across the pond) off emotional wounds that were trying to heal.
“Your art doesn’t matter to anyone but you, so why do you even bother?”
RRRRRRRRip goes a Band-Aid.
“Your art, your writing? They’re a waste of time, energy and money. Does anyone see your work? Does anyone read it? No one cares about it except your mother and that’s because she has to.”
RRiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip, rip. A bit of scab came off with that one.
“What makes you think you’re special? You’ll never be anything more than a failure. The only thing you succeed at is failing – too bad you don’t get paid for sucking because you’d be filthy f*cking rich.”
RIP! That one hemorrhaged.
OUCH. THOSE HURT.
Can you relate? I’m sure I’m not the only person who experiences such moments.
Thoughts should be our loving and supportive companion in life, championing me on…our biggest cheerleader. So why do they act more like the frenemy from hell? Why are we our own worst critics…and sometimes viciously brutal critics at that?
WHY DO OUR THOUGHTS ATTACK US?
As I have discussed before in Confessions of a Negative Nancy, I struggle with maintaining a positive mental attitude at times…some days, like that day last year, are more difficult than others. That day I struggled.
We all have our own inner-battles, fighting that loud and brutal voice in our heads that tells us we’re not good enough, not talented enough, not smart enough or not pretty enough…that we don’t deserve happiness, or nice things, or loving relationships, or a promotion. We tell ourselves we’re too fat, too thin, too boring, too old, too young, too this and too that. Some people’s thoughts even tell them they’re too awful to live. But let me put this question to you:
HOW MANY OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE GENUINELY AND TRULY YOURS?
How many of them come from outside sources like a former teacher, your mother, your grandfather, an abusive ex, a “good” friend or the media? For many of us negative thoughts are a reflex; a knee-jerk response to stimuli that is so ingrained that it has become automatic.
These thoughts can also snowball with one negative thought leading to another leading to another until the negativity is overwhelming and seemingly insurmountable.
BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?
Negative thoughts lie to you. They lie to you because they are afraid of change, or success, or health. They lie to you to because they think they are keeping you “safe.”
What they don’t want you to know is that they are wrong. They can be defeated (or at least quieted). There is a way to stop them dead in their tracks and turn that dower mood into a better mood, and maybe even a great one. What is this magic of which I speak?
AWARENESS.
You must be aware of your inner-critic. Remember it thinks it’s there to help and protect you so be kind but firm when dealing with that voice. It is, after all, part of you.
When you hear that voice start to chime in with its unwanted negative, fear-based “advice” and “wisdom” acknowledge it. Then try something along the lines of:
“I hear you and thank you for trying to protect me but I’ve got this.”
Next, ask what this voice is trying to protect you from. Rejection? Heartbreak? Ask where it comes from. Is it really yours or did you learn the thought from someone else? Your grandmother? A teacher?
Then acknowledge those answers and shift your focus. Close your eyes and take a slow deep breath to the count of 5.
Inhale 1-2-3-4-5.
Hold it 1-2-3-4-5.
Slowly Exhale 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.
Now focus on your heart and think about things you love, things that bring you joy, things that make you smile. Shift your focus to the positive and allow yourself to feel love…love for yourself and the awesomeness that surrounds you. Yeah, I know it sounds really corny but give it a try. You may be surprised.
IT CAN’T HURT AND MIGHT HELP.
We can reprogram our thoughts. We can quiet that inner-critic. Yes it will still rear it’s ugly but well meaning head from time to time and yes there will be days that it will get the better of us. We’re only human after all. But keep at it. Keep trying.
We might not be able to completely silence those voices but we can certainly turn down the volume. We can stop our inner critic from undermining us and preventing us from enjoying our lives to the fullest. We all deserve to be happy.
Kisses & Chaos,
Alli Woods Frederick
PS – If you want to learn more on the subject I highly recommend reading Louise L. Hay’s ”You Can Heal Your Life.” She even has a workbook to go along with the book to help you work through the exercises and get more out of her teachings.
